Once again, it has been awhile since I've posted, and as before, I've written many things in my head. Some were just too painful to actually put down for others to see. Some were about fears I had which I didn't want to share publicly. And some wounds were just too fresh and the scab not healed & gone.
But now I think it's time to get back to it.
I just went back and reread a post I wrote over 2 years ago about waiting for Connor. Derek had commented and since I haven't come here to my blog often, I had missed it. But I saw it today, and it made me cry. It also made me feel good and made me proud. I am glad he enjoys my writing. I actually have something in mind I want to do for Connor and I think it will mean as much to Derek as I hope it someday does to Connor. But that's a surprise that will wait for later!
I was definitely right about one thing when I wrote the post about waiting for Connor. It sure was worth it! I said I wanted to watch Derek & Kristen experience a new kind of love that they had never had before and they have. But I have also gotten to experience a new kind of love. The love I have for Connor is almost undescribable. I could sit and just watch him for hours at a time. I love seeing him discover new things and I love that he is such a happy little boy. He has brought so much joy to my life. I love that he calls me "T" - that's a name I doubt any other grandma has! I can't imagine life without him and I hope I am blessed with many more years to watch him grow.
There have been many blessings during the last two years and there has been a lot of pain. Dad was diagnosed with lung cancer not too long after Connor was born and we knew there would be no cure. He took some chemo treatments and they did slow the progression for a bit. Dad, Don and I even got to take a trip down to Springfield for a few days and we visited some cemeteries where some of Dad's family were buried. He felt great, he ate great and we had so much fun. My only real regret that I have from his illness is that he wanted to take one more trip, just he and I. But we didn't realize how short time was and we were waiting for the right time - the weather to cool off a bit, him to feel a little bit better. I wish we would have just packed up and gone. But I guess if that's the only regret, then I did good. I helped him and took care of him through that eleven months that we got to have. We used to kind of joke about how we enjoyed the days he had dr's appointments because after we would usually go to lunch and maybe run some errands. We just enjoyed spending the time together. Red Lobster will always be a bittersweet place for me because that was probably our favorite lunch place. Those are some great memories.
During that last week, I was lucky to have so many people help me and to help take care of dad. It was nice to spend so much time with Uncle Bob and I heard stories about dad that I had never heard before. I didn't know how onery he was! Jackie, Kristen's mom, was a God-send. She has a knack of knowing what you need and just doing it. She cooked for us, she answered my phone so I could sleep, she sat with Dad, she helped me clean him and she even stayed all night after being here all day and gave him his medicine. I will always be grateful for her. Derek & Kristen were here and they brought Connor up because they knew that made me feel better. Derek & Uncle Bob split some nights so that neither one had to stay up all night but the last couple of nights Derek was here all night and even set his alarm for every two hours so that he could give Dad his medicine. Joan was here, my mom was here, Sheila came. So many blessings! It's so easy to remember the hard times and the bad things, but even at the worst times, there was goodness, too.
I'm sure there has been many things worth writing about that have happened in the last two years. But I think that's the highlights and the lowlights and that's enough for now.
Monday, August 5, 2013
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Grandma Ruby
Today is my Grandma Ruby's birthday. She has been gone for 18 years now, but I still have some very vivid, very good memories of her, so I want to share them with you.
One of the things I remember about Grandma isn't so much about her, but where she lived. She lived in the most cool places! When I was little, she lived about some shops on Broadway in Excelsior. Really what she had was a loft apartment, though of course I didn't know that at the time. I do know that I really liked it a lot and it was a great place to play hide and seek in and she would play hide and seek with us from time to time. I remember spending the night there from time to time and I always enjoyed that. I remember that she had bubble bath in a Woody Woodpecker bottle that we got to use at bathtime. I had that bottle for quite a while and then I decided I didn't need to keep it. Now that Connor has arrived and hopefully when he gets older will spend some nights with us, I wish I had kept it. But I don't need the bottle to remember.
Then she lived in an apartment above Prichard's Funeral Home. She would answer the phone and the door when the employees were out and she would lock up in the evening. Most of my friends thought it was pretty creepy that she lived about a funeral home, but when you got upstairs, it was just a nice, big apartment. Again, though, I thought it was a really cool place. My cousin Lesa and I would spend the night there occassionally and the room we slept in had seven windows. I just loved that. And by the way, when you walk into a funeral home carrying pillows and suitcases, you get some weird looks!
After that, she moved to an apartment down the street above some shops where she lived until she died. Again, I thought it was a really nice apartment and I enjoyed visiting her there. By then, I was grown and a mom so I never spent the night there, but I loved the feel. Maybe it wasn't the actual places that she lived that touched me so much but rather the person who lived there.
Grandma Ruby always lived in downtown Excelsior (well, as far back as I can remember, anyway!). When we were little, Grandma and Grandad Stevenson lived out in the country, so Grandma Ruby was "Town Grandma" and Grandma Faye was "Country Grandma".
Grandma always had butter rum life savers in the pockets of her dress. Occassionally I will buy a roll. It's not that I am overly fond of them - I prefer cherry. But just the smell reminds me of her and I find it comforting.
I am sure my love of reading was passed down from her to my mother to me. Grandma always had tons of books. She had lots and lots of the Reader's Digest condensed books. There was never a lack of something to read there. She took the Reader's Digest magazine and when I come across them in waiting rooms, I think of reading them when I was at her house. My favorite book at her house was a second grade reader from the early 1900's that had "Jack and the Beanstock" in it. I loved that story. I think she regretted ever reading it to me because I loved it so much and always wanted that store. One day when I was older and we were talking about it, she told me that she couldn't leave out any of the story because I knew it all by heart! I still love that story and I still have that book. When Connor gets a little older, I will read it to him. But maybe I will make it a little shorter!
When I became pregnant, I was worried what she would think. She was 60 years old when I was born, and although there were unmarried mothers, it wasn't as prevalent as it is now. But the only thing she really had to say was that she was worried "because he wouldn't have a name". I told her of course he would - it was Hampton! But I know what she was saying and if she was sad or disappointed, she didn't show it. She just worried a little. Money was tight for me when Derek was little and occassionally I would go to her and ask for a little help. She would just hand me her checkbook and tell me to write it for what I needed. I hated asking her but she was always there and she never let me pay her back. I never took advantage and only wrote the check for what would get me by and I was grateful for her help.
When grocery stores started moving away from downtown and not offering delivery it became harder for her to shop as she never learned to drive. So I began to take her shopping. That was fine for a while, but after Derek became a toddler, it became a little harder. You see, when grandma shopped, she would push her cart around. When she saw something she wanted, she would just let go of the cart and go get her item. So Derek is heading off one way, the cart is going another and Grandma Ruby was in another direction! It could be quite challenging! One time, we ran into Mom and Garret at the store and mom was kind enough to take Derek home with her. That made things easier. We finally got to the point where she would just give me her list and I would go to the store for her. That was quite a bit easier as long as I got the right things. She could be very particular about what brand or size she wanted! But I was honored to be able to do that for her and I enjoyed visiting with her before and after the shopping trip.
My grandma Ruby was a neat person. I always knew that, but once I was grown I appreciated her more and I know how special she was. Happy birthday Grandma!
One of the things I remember about Grandma isn't so much about her, but where she lived. She lived in the most cool places! When I was little, she lived about some shops on Broadway in Excelsior. Really what she had was a loft apartment, though of course I didn't know that at the time. I do know that I really liked it a lot and it was a great place to play hide and seek in and she would play hide and seek with us from time to time. I remember spending the night there from time to time and I always enjoyed that. I remember that she had bubble bath in a Woody Woodpecker bottle that we got to use at bathtime. I had that bottle for quite a while and then I decided I didn't need to keep it. Now that Connor has arrived and hopefully when he gets older will spend some nights with us, I wish I had kept it. But I don't need the bottle to remember.
Then she lived in an apartment above Prichard's Funeral Home. She would answer the phone and the door when the employees were out and she would lock up in the evening. Most of my friends thought it was pretty creepy that she lived about a funeral home, but when you got upstairs, it was just a nice, big apartment. Again, though, I thought it was a really cool place. My cousin Lesa and I would spend the night there occassionally and the room we slept in had seven windows. I just loved that. And by the way, when you walk into a funeral home carrying pillows and suitcases, you get some weird looks!
After that, she moved to an apartment down the street above some shops where she lived until she died. Again, I thought it was a really nice apartment and I enjoyed visiting her there. By then, I was grown and a mom so I never spent the night there, but I loved the feel. Maybe it wasn't the actual places that she lived that touched me so much but rather the person who lived there.
Grandma Ruby always lived in downtown Excelsior (well, as far back as I can remember, anyway!). When we were little, Grandma and Grandad Stevenson lived out in the country, so Grandma Ruby was "Town Grandma" and Grandma Faye was "Country Grandma".
Grandma always had butter rum life savers in the pockets of her dress. Occassionally I will buy a roll. It's not that I am overly fond of them - I prefer cherry. But just the smell reminds me of her and I find it comforting.
I am sure my love of reading was passed down from her to my mother to me. Grandma always had tons of books. She had lots and lots of the Reader's Digest condensed books. There was never a lack of something to read there. She took the Reader's Digest magazine and when I come across them in waiting rooms, I think of reading them when I was at her house. My favorite book at her house was a second grade reader from the early 1900's that had "Jack and the Beanstock" in it. I loved that story. I think she regretted ever reading it to me because I loved it so much and always wanted that store. One day when I was older and we were talking about it, she told me that she couldn't leave out any of the story because I knew it all by heart! I still love that story and I still have that book. When Connor gets a little older, I will read it to him. But maybe I will make it a little shorter!
When I became pregnant, I was worried what she would think. She was 60 years old when I was born, and although there were unmarried mothers, it wasn't as prevalent as it is now. But the only thing she really had to say was that she was worried "because he wouldn't have a name". I told her of course he would - it was Hampton! But I know what she was saying and if she was sad or disappointed, she didn't show it. She just worried a little. Money was tight for me when Derek was little and occassionally I would go to her and ask for a little help. She would just hand me her checkbook and tell me to write it for what I needed. I hated asking her but she was always there and she never let me pay her back. I never took advantage and only wrote the check for what would get me by and I was grateful for her help.
When grocery stores started moving away from downtown and not offering delivery it became harder for her to shop as she never learned to drive. So I began to take her shopping. That was fine for a while, but after Derek became a toddler, it became a little harder. You see, when grandma shopped, she would push her cart around. When she saw something she wanted, she would just let go of the cart and go get her item. So Derek is heading off one way, the cart is going another and Grandma Ruby was in another direction! It could be quite challenging! One time, we ran into Mom and Garret at the store and mom was kind enough to take Derek home with her. That made things easier. We finally got to the point where she would just give me her list and I would go to the store for her. That was quite a bit easier as long as I got the right things. She could be very particular about what brand or size she wanted! But I was honored to be able to do that for her and I enjoyed visiting with her before and after the shopping trip.
My grandma Ruby was a neat person. I always knew that, but once I was grown I appreciated her more and I know how special she was. Happy birthday Grandma!
It's been a while!
It has been a while since I have updated this blog. The truth is that I have written many, many blogs - they have just stayed in my head and haven't made it to paper or the computer. There has been a lot going on in my life and things I want to share so I do plan to do that soon. But for today, I am going to write about my Grandma Ruby as it is her birthday today and I am thinking about her. I hope you enjoy it.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Waiting for Connor
If you know me at all, you know that patience is not one of my virtues. So when we found out that Kristen & Derek were expecting, I figured it would be a long 8 months. I wasn't entirely right. It was fall when we learned the news and then soon it was Thanksgiving and then Christmas so that time went by fairly quickly. Then in mid January I started my new job and worked full-time for 5 weeks so there wasn't a lot of time to sit and wait. But then time started to drag. There were the showers and the fun of seeing all the cute little outfits he has to wear. There were the sonograms - the regular one and the 3-D one. I think the 3-D one is the one that really brought the excitement to the surface for me. Seeing his little face and his chubby little cheeks - getting to see what he looks like just made me want to hold him. So now the time is dragging and I am just waiting. I can't wait to meet him, but I am also anxious for the delivery to be over and to know that both Kristen and Connor are fine. I am anxious to see my baby boy holding his baby boy. (My camera is in my purse all the time now so that when the time comes to go to the hospital I don't leave it behind!) I can't even begin to imagine what it will feel like to become a grandma. I am anxious to watch Derek & Kristen grow from being a couple to parents, to watch them experience a new kind of love that they have never felt before - the love for their child. So I am trying to be patient and enjoy each day as it comes for what it brings, but I am also so looking forward to the phone call that says they are headed to the hospital, where once again I will wait....But I know the waiting will soon be over and it all will have been worth it. The piece of our family that we didn't even know was missing will be here and new joys and new excitements await us.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
My thoughts on the Bible
I have heard several people say before that they believe in God and they believe in the bible, but they don't believe everything that is in the bible. That is a statement that bothers me,
but I've never known how to reply to it. I have given it a lot of thought lately and here are my thoughts about that.
Technically, I guess that is probably a true statement. The book was written a long time ago, it has been interpreted in many different languages and many things have changed since it was written. If you try hard enough, you can probably make the bible say about anything you want it to. However, I believe in a God that knew each of us before we were formed in our mothers' wombs. I believe God knew what would be written in the bible and how long it would be in existance. If I believe in that God, then doesn't He have the power to make His word - all of His word - as relevant today as it was when it was first written? I believe that if someone truly wants to read and hear God's word, then that is exactly what they will get when they go to the bible. I believe that if you humbly pray before reading in the bible and ask God to show you what He wants you to see, that is what will happen. I believe He can use anything and everything that is in it to guide our lives. I think it is a very dangerous thing to pick and choose from it what you believe or what you don't believe. I believe God has the power to use His word to talk to us in many different ways. He knows what we need when we go to the bible and He is willing to give that to us if we ask Him.
So while I guess I understand what is being said in that statement, I have to say that I totally disagree. If you were to fact-check, maybe not every detail would be correct. But maybe that is why there are so many different translations - because people are individuals and what speaks to me may not speak to you. I believe with my whole heart that everything that is in that book is true, real and relevant. I believe everything we need to know about how to live our lives today, in these times, and in times to come is in that book. Those are my thoughts and beliefs.
but I've never known how to reply to it. I have given it a lot of thought lately and here are my thoughts about that.
Technically, I guess that is probably a true statement. The book was written a long time ago, it has been interpreted in many different languages and many things have changed since it was written. If you try hard enough, you can probably make the bible say about anything you want it to. However, I believe in a God that knew each of us before we were formed in our mothers' wombs. I believe God knew what would be written in the bible and how long it would be in existance. If I believe in that God, then doesn't He have the power to make His word - all of His word - as relevant today as it was when it was first written? I believe that if someone truly wants to read and hear God's word, then that is exactly what they will get when they go to the bible. I believe that if you humbly pray before reading in the bible and ask God to show you what He wants you to see, that is what will happen. I believe He can use anything and everything that is in it to guide our lives. I think it is a very dangerous thing to pick and choose from it what you believe or what you don't believe. I believe God has the power to use His word to talk to us in many different ways. He knows what we need when we go to the bible and He is willing to give that to us if we ask Him.
So while I guess I understand what is being said in that statement, I have to say that I totally disagree. If you were to fact-check, maybe not every detail would be correct. But maybe that is why there are so many different translations - because people are individuals and what speaks to me may not speak to you. I believe with my whole heart that everything that is in that book is true, real and relevant. I believe everything we need to know about how to live our lives today, in these times, and in times to come is in that book. Those are my thoughts and beliefs.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Love for a child
OK -so most of you already know that a grandbaby is on the way. And if you know me very well at all, then you know that I am very, very excited. We had to keep the news fairly quiet for awhile, which was very hard for me to do because I just wanted to tell everyone I knew that I was going to be a grandma. But it is out now and we are free to share our excitement.
Not very long at all after we found out the news, the Sickles side of the family was over at Joan & Sonny's to celebrate Cody's birthday. We were all discussing the baby and there was so much excitement. Scott wants to babysit, Sarah and Sam want to hold the baby and of course Sonny is never happier than when he has a baby on his lap. I was looking around at all these excited people, and the thought crossed my mind that when we were all together, I would never get to hold my own grandchild! There's going to be lots of people that want to hold the baby. But almost as soon as that thought entered, another followed close behind. Yes, it is true that I am going to have the share baby-holding with everyone else. But what a wonderful thing! This child has not even arrived yet and she (don't know why, but I think it's a girl!) or he is already so loved. How lucky this child will be. And that makes me very happy. I wish every child coming into this world could be as welcomed and loved as ours is going to be.
Not very long at all after we found out the news, the Sickles side of the family was over at Joan & Sonny's to celebrate Cody's birthday. We were all discussing the baby and there was so much excitement. Scott wants to babysit, Sarah and Sam want to hold the baby and of course Sonny is never happier than when he has a baby on his lap. I was looking around at all these excited people, and the thought crossed my mind that when we were all together, I would never get to hold my own grandchild! There's going to be lots of people that want to hold the baby. But almost as soon as that thought entered, another followed close behind. Yes, it is true that I am going to have the share baby-holding with everyone else. But what a wonderful thing! This child has not even arrived yet and she (don't know why, but I think it's a girl!) or he is already so loved. How lucky this child will be. And that makes me very happy. I wish every child coming into this world could be as welcomed and loved as ours is going to be.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Found the verse!
Well, I guess God wanted to be sure that I "got" it, because in today's Billy Graham column (which I don't hardly ever read, but for some reason I did this morning) he had the verse that I heard on the radio Saturday morning after talking with God and asking for His help with my attitude. Anyway, here is the verse: Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men. Colossians 3:23.
I cut it out and I will be posting it somewhere that I can see it. I need to keep it handy for the time that I return to work because the truth is that I don't want to work. It's not that I don't like "work" at all. It is just that I really love to be home. I know - who doesn't? But I guess home is kind of a safe place for me. I am really not a social person at all and I don't like going places where I don't know anyone. We have a wedding reception to go to next weekend and I am already dreading it. And it's also that I love working around the house - baking, doing laundry, and yes, even sometimes cleaning! I take pride in having dinner on the table when Don gets home. I love being able to take care of our errands during the day so that our evenings and weekends are ours to enjoy. I love being able to mow the yard because I have the time and I just like to mow the yard! I think maybe I was born 30 years too late. I would have been a fabulous 50's housewife! Being a housewife makes me happy. But the bank account says that I really need to work for awhile, so I will. But there are some mornings when I am just not really happy about it so I will be reminding myself of this verse because life is too short to be in a bad mood! I gotta tell ya, when you're really trying to be close to God and listening for Him, He will talk to you - sometimes loud and clear! I am thankful for that.
I cut it out and I will be posting it somewhere that I can see it. I need to keep it handy for the time that I return to work because the truth is that I don't want to work. It's not that I don't like "work" at all. It is just that I really love to be home. I know - who doesn't? But I guess home is kind of a safe place for me. I am really not a social person at all and I don't like going places where I don't know anyone. We have a wedding reception to go to next weekend and I am already dreading it. And it's also that I love working around the house - baking, doing laundry, and yes, even sometimes cleaning! I take pride in having dinner on the table when Don gets home. I love being able to take care of our errands during the day so that our evenings and weekends are ours to enjoy. I love being able to mow the yard because I have the time and I just like to mow the yard! I think maybe I was born 30 years too late. I would have been a fabulous 50's housewife! Being a housewife makes me happy. But the bank account says that I really need to work for awhile, so I will. But there are some mornings when I am just not really happy about it so I will be reminding myself of this verse because life is too short to be in a bad mood! I gotta tell ya, when you're really trying to be close to God and listening for Him, He will talk to you - sometimes loud and clear! I am thankful for that.
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