Some things don't need to change

I've been thinking that I either need to change the name of this blog or start a new one because I am no longer an East Texas housewife. But then I had an e-mail from Mrs. Robyn that reminded me that "you can take the girl out of Texas, but you can't take Texas out of the girl". That is so true! I wasn't born there and I wasn't there nearly long enough to suit me, but I was there long enough to know that Texas will always be a part of me. So I am leaving the blog just like it is. If nothing else, it will always remind me of a time in my life when I knew I was where I was supposed to be and I was happy.
So now on to other things. I finally found out that I get to go back to work next Wed. at the IRS. I am thankful for that, as is our bank account! I know I will like it. Could do without the long drive, but I guess there's always something. I am continuing to write the articles, and I still believe that could one day become my full time job from home, but I gotta tell ya, it's HARD! It's hard to stay focused and there are lots of interruptions - mainly Cinnamon taking cushions off the couch or carrying around the bathmat. Things like that. But Don has fixed the toilet downstairs, so I am going to work on setting up an "office" for me down there and when I get laid off again, I'll try it again. I am also continuing to look for another job that is at least permanent, but so is everyone else and the competition is fierce. With no college background or secondary education, I am having a hard time finding something. But I know it'll work out, because as Mrs Robyn also reminded me, God knows the plans He has for me. Just wish he'd let me in on them once in a while!
Oh, did have I ever mentioned how much I love my Texas family? Even 600 miles away, they are here for me. God is good.

New beginnings

I am really excited and feel like maybe things are starting to look up a little. I can now say, and it be true, "I am a writer!" I have always liked to write, but now I am getting paid to write. Not very much yet, but the potential is there. I have found 2 places that I believe are legitimate that I can write internet articles for. I don't get credited as the author, but I don't really care about that. The thing is that I can do it from home and I am getting paid for it. Starting out, it's not a lot, but any little bit is more than I was making. I believe the potential is there to make as much as $300 or $400 a week. This isn't one of those work 10 hours and week and make $1000 thing. The money you make will depend on the number of articles I can write, which takes time. To make the $300-400 I will need to make this my "job" and work it all day long 5 days a week. I am ok with that.
The move back here from Texas wasn't good financially - at all. Heck, the move to Texas wasn't that great financially. But we were starting to make some progress until we came back. Don had to take a pretty significant pay cut to come back. I believe that it will pay off in the long run, but right now, if I don't find a job, I don't know how long we can make it. And if you've been, or you know someone, looking for a job, you know that there aren't just that many out there. I have been through the application and processing to do seasonal data transcribing at the IRS. I am just waiting to find out what my start date will be. At this point, it seems as though it will be around the 1st of Feb. at least.
So in the meantime, I will write. I have 3 articles assigned to me right now. 2 are from one company and the other is a different one. I will do them all today and hopefully have more to do by the end of the day or Monday. The truth is that I don't want to "go" to work. I don't mind working, I just want to do it from here. I love being home. If I can make this work, it's the best of both worlds. Money coming in and not having to work outside the home to do it. My plan is to do as much as I can between now and when I start at the IRS. I will do as many as I can while working at the IRS to keep my foot in these doors. Then when I am laid off later this spring, I'll be ready to go back to writing full time and hopefully will be built up enough to make a difference. I believe it can be done. And I am excited!
I am a writer!

Who is actually working in your life?

I've really meant to post more and I write lots of them in my mind, but the last few days my mood hasn't been what it should be and so I didn't want to post. I've posted a lot about some of the struggles I've been having, the questioning and that's ok, but enough is enough. I've been thinking a lot about how God works in our lives. But he's not the only one. The devil also works in our lives, whether we realize it or not. I know I am saved and I'm going to Heaven. My soul belongs to God and the devil is not going to get it. But I realized the last few days that even though he won't get me, he can still use me to influence other people. And that has made me feel really guilty. But think about it. What kind of person do you want to be around? One who is happy and at peace, or someone who is sad, angry and struggling? The happy, peaceful person can still be sad and have struggles, but I guess it's what you do with it that counts. I want to be the kind of Christian that makes other people want what I have. I don't want them to look at me and say, "Gee, she's a Christian, but she's sure not very happy! It's not doing much for her." It does do a lot for me. I know that God is always, always here. It's me who moves away sometimes. I am trying to stay as close to Him as I can. And I have made up my mind that Satan is not going to use me to win someone for himself. He can just move on to someone else. I do not want to explain to God someday why someone I loved is in Hell because they saw my life and didn't want any part of what I have. Bad things are going to happen. Bad days are going to come. But it's ok. Because I can give it all to God and let Him handle it. And it'll all be ok. Do you feel the peace coming back? I do.

Christmas music

I am sitting here listening to Christmas music and realizing that for the first time in awhile, I feel happy! I have been dwelling on what I have left behind instead of just enjoying where I am right now. Well, right this very minute, I am listening to Christmas music and I love it! I know that a lot of people think it's way too early, that it shouldn't start until after Thanksgiving. I know what they are saying, that Thanksgiving just kind of gets glossed over - we go right from Halloween to Christmas. Maybe that's true. Thanksgiving kind of gets shoved right in with Christmas. But I love Thanksgiving and it is my favorite holiday of the year. I love the Thanksgiving meal and I like watching part of the parades. It really didn't bother me last year that we were in Texas and didn't get to be a part of a big gathering. I still loved it. And I love it whether there's Christmas music playing or not. To me, the music doesn't take away. It just extends the "feeling" of Thanksgiving and Christmas longer. The music is really my favorite part of the Christmas season, along with Christmas movies. Maybe because they remind me of what Christmas is really meant to be and not what it is. I think we get caught up in the things that aren't important and forget what is. But every year, the music brings out the excitement of the child in me - an excitement and hope for what might be this year. And I don't know about you, but if I could have that feeling all year long - wow, what a year it'd be! So play on, Christmas music. Remind me of the baby in the manger, the drummer boy who had nothing for a gift but his talents, and the star in the sky leading the way. And remind me how thankful I am for those things, and so much more.

No such thing as coincidences

I used to think that sometimes things just happened, but I really don't anymore. I think that everything that happens in our lives has some kind of meaning, whether we realize it or not. Sometimes we know right away why something has happened, sometimes we figure it out later and sometimes we may never know the why, but I believe that there is always, always a reason. I also believe that the people we meet were put in our paths for a reason.
I've been thinking alot about Bear lately. Last Sunday was the 3rd anniversary of his death. I have never taken the death of a pet so hard as I did his. When he was sick, I prayed to God that He would heal Bear. I asked him to take another dog instead - such as a stray who was starving, an abused dog, one that was going to die anyway. Take that one and put it out of it's misery and let me keep my dog who was loved so much and who was so full of life. I know that if that had been His will, God had the power to heal him, and until the very end, I think I really expected that to happen. But it wasn't to be, and for a long time, I just couldn't understand it. Well, I have finally figured it out.
Losing Bear was the catalyst for our move to Texas. I thought all of that was put into motion by the phone call from Rob telling Don about the job in Center, but I know now that the wheels were already turning. When we lost Bear, it really put me into a depression. I was tired of my job, I hated the hours Don was working and really just kind of hated my life at that time. Normally, I don't think I would have even given moving away a thought, but I was just so ready for any kind of a change, that I wanted to go. Don wasn't so sure and if I hadn't been completely on board, we wouldn't have gone. I know without a shadow of a doubt that we were meant to go there. I also know that even though we thought we went for Don's job, that in reality his job had nothing to do with it. The job just put us in the location we were meant to be in. Someone that worked at the plant told us about the house that we ended up buying, that put us next door to Ja and Toby that led us to White Rock Baptist Church that led to Don's salvation. It is amazing to me to look back and see how everything was connected. We really wanted to buy a house in Center, closer to the plant, but we couldn't find anything we liked. We were meant to be in San Augustine and I am so thankful for that. Honestly, our time in Texas was one of the best periods of my life.
And God is a loving God. He knew the pain I felt over losing Bear and he sent Dusty to us. Dusty has the same zest for life, the same joy that Bear had. He is not a replacement, of course, but Dusty has brought joy back. You can't spend much time with Dusty and not feel good. He is so happy and has a joy that you can see in his face. I love him so much and I know some day I will pay the price for that, but as with Bear, every minute with Dusty is worth more than the pain that comes later. Cinnamon set the pieces of my heart back into place; Dusty glued it back together. And that is the way it was meant to be!

Thoughts and attitudes

I've been watching Joyce Meyer in the mornings. She can really start my day off right. If you don't know who she is, she is a preacher. She is probably in her 50's or 60's. Her program is on several channels. It's on at 5:30 or 6:00 on Lifetime and it's on TBN a couple of times a day. I DVR it and watch when I'm ready to make notes and really pay attention. Earlier this week she was talking about our thoughts and our words. Do you ever really pay attention to what you are thinking and notice the power your thoughts have over you?? Our thoughts are so, so powerful! They can determine what kind of day you have and what kind of influence you are on other people. I am ashamed that so many of my thoughts are so negative and am making a concience effort to have good thoughts and when a thought pops in my head that I know shouldn't be there, I try to banish it. Joyce said one day that she likes it when God is dealing with her on something. Well, I don't! I know what she is saying, because when you really realize that God is dealing with you, then you know there are changes that need to be made and they are for your own good. But it's really not fun to realize things about yourself that you don't like. I am a very selfish person. I want things to go my way and if they don't, I'm not happy about it. Well, you know what? We don't always get our way and sometimes that is for the best. I am finding that if you surround yourself with things and people that make you happy, then you will be happier. It makes me happy to start my day watching Joyce. She makes me laugh, she makes me think and I pay attention to things during my day. It's like she talks right to me. I know that God is speaking to me through her. How does God talk to you? Do you listen? Do you pay attention all day long? Do you notice how much He does for you and takes care of for you? I tend to be a worrier, but I am trying so hard to pray about things and then leave it alone and you know what? It always seems to work out. And then I try to remember to thank Him. Joyce was talking about prayer this morning and how sometimes we don't have what we want because we simply don't ask for it! And she's not just talking about "stuff". God knows what we need and what we want, but He wants us to ask Him for it. And then to know when the answer is yes, when it's wait, and when it's no. We can't know those things if we don't pay attention. So listen to your thoughts as you go about your day. Pay attention to who they're from. Because just as God talks to you all day long, whether you're listening or not, so does the devil. Who is controlling your thoughts?

New start

I know it has been awhile since I have posted. I have written many blogs in my mind, but just haven't put them online.
I guess I really need to change the name of this blog since I no longer live in Texas. It is good to be back with family and friends, but that was such a great period in my life and I've had a hard time letting go of it. Maybe "letting go" isn't the right words. It's not like we're never going to go back there or that I have to forget that we ever lived there. I guess what I've had a hard time with is being ok with moving back. I truly believe that Don made the right decision to come back. I do. But I didn't want to come back yet. I know that's selfish and I am working on it. It's just that I felt a peace there that I had never had before and I just felt that that is exactly where we were supposed to be. Don felt that coming back was the right thing to do. I struggled with it and really wasn't sure that we were supposed to come back yet. But we both prayed about it and we both asked God to close the door if we were not supposed to move. That door stayed wide open no matter how hard I tried to slam it closed. So I have had to work things out in my mind and to be ok with it. There is a lot of good to being back. It is good to be close to Dad in case he needs me. It is good to be close to Mom as I don't think she's always truthful about how she is feeling. It is nice to be able to see her with my own eyes and try to figure out how she really is doing. It is so so so good to be close to Derek and Kristen. We talked to everyone before we moved to Texas about how they felt about it, and they all said we should go and everyone was supportive. I now know that they all lied and they didn't want us to go. I feel bad that something that brought me such happiness caused sadness in those I love.
I love our new house and oh, what a beautiful time of year this is in Missouri. Fall was pretty in Texas, but not as pretty as here. Of course, winter will follow close behind and winter was definetly better there!
I miss our church there. We have been visiting Pleasant Valley Baptist Church. Although we both really enjoy the sermons, we miss the small, friendly church where everyone knew you and there were hugs all the time. So we'll keep searching and I know we'll find a church here that we love as much as we did our old church. And we're still in touch with our church family, so we now have more friends in more places. It's all good!
So I guess I'd better be thinking of a new name for this blog. Any ideas??