Confusing Times

Well, I have to say, if it's nothing else, life sure is interesting! We now only lack the fire inspection to be fully certified to adopt a child. The inspector was supposed to be here 2 days ago, but we're still waiting. (This is not unusual in East Texas! And in his defense, the fire department here is all voluntary and he works a regular job.) But now, when we're ready to move forward, Hallmark decides to start making job cuts. I do not think Don is going to lose his job (although at this point, I guess we can't be certain of that) but it is going to affect us in some way or another. Just not sure how yet. We really feel like God wants us to adopt a child, so we are going to go ahead and see if the right child comes along. If that is what He wants, then it will happen. We're just a little worried that we may have a child placed here but adoption not finalized and a decision may have to be made as to whether to stay here or go back home. Of course if we are getting close to consummation, we may be able to rush things through. The last thing everyone wants is for a child to be placed and then have to move the child again. I do best when I feel like I have control in things going on in my life and right now I don't have a lot of control over anything. So I just have to listen to that voice in my head that says, "Just trust me!" But I am learning to do that and although there have been a couple of times this week that I could really get upset, I know deep in my heart that no matter what happens, everything will be ok. God has a plan and I don't have to know what it is or exactly how it is all going to work out. He has that under control. All I have to do is trust Him. And although it's a little uncomfortable for me to not know what is going to happen, there is definetely some relief in knowing I don't have to waste my energy worrying about it. So we're just going to keep on keeping on and look forward with excitement to whatever God has planned for our lives.

What a weekend!

Last weekend was so much fun! On Thursday, Joan & Sonny came down. They got here around 4:30 and we got to spend the evening visiting with them. On Friday morning, I got up and called Derek's phone to see if he and Dad were on the road yet. Dad answered Derek's phone (I was surprised and proud that he could figure out how to do that!) and he said that Derek was napping. I just assumed that Dad was driving. He said that they were just a little ways down the road. Later that afternoon, around 2:00 pm, a reflection caught my attention and I looked outside. Derek's truck was turning into the driveway! I went running out to meet them and was telling Dad he tricked me on the phone that morning when the back door opened and Kristen got out! I was so surprised because she had told us that she wasn't going to be able to come. Turns out that she answered Derek's phone that morning and gave it to Dad to talk to me. Those 3 are sneaky little devils when they are together! What great surprises! They got there about 5 hours earlier than we expected and Kristen was there, too. Saturday we hung around the house for a little while and then Joan, my Dad, Derek, Kristen and I went for a ride to Toledo Bend and had a picnic lunch. Don & Sonny stayed home and spent some time together. That evening we had burgers and brats on the grill. It was also my birthday, so I got cards, presents and cake & ice cream! Sunday morning Uncle Bob and Aunt Paula got here and we all went to church together to see Don be baptized. Our church family made everyone feel welcome and it was a great time. We spent the afternoon watching Nascar (go Kyle Busch!), taking a walk, playing washers, playing yahtzee and just visiting. Uncle Bob & Aunt Paula left late that afternoon and everyone else left early Monday morning. We were so sad to see them all go, but it was such a wonderful time. Everyone made it home safely. God blessed us all weekend long with good family time, great weather and a safe weekend.

Which way to go?

I feel like we are fast approaching a Y in the road and are going to need to choose which way to go. One way may have a few surprises along the way, but for the most part, it is predictable, familiar. There is nothing wrong with going that way and no one would blame us if we do. In fact, some would probably be relieved. It will mean staying on the same road we are already on and just going about our business as we do now. There is nothing wrong with this road - it is a good road. We will see some nice things along this way and it is basically a smooth ride, but it is familiar and comfortable.
The other way is unfamiliar territory. The first part of that way looks to be bumpy and there is the danger of getting lost or having unexpected trouble along the way. However, going that way could mean that we will see and experience new things - good things - that we won't if we go the predicatable way. And we may end up at the end of this road with so many blessings that we can't even imagine. And although that way looks really scary, there are people waiting along side that road to support us and get us back on track if we need it. That road also means we are going to have to support and love someone else and make a positive difference in their lives. We are going to pick up passengers to take along with us on this journey. This is not a road to take alone. It is a road to be shared. We don't know exactly what the ending of this road looks like, but we're curious. Is going down this road worth the risks? The only way to know is to take it.
So which way do we go? The safe, predictable way, arriving at the end of our journey much the way we are now? Or the scenic way, with hills and turns and not knowing how the journey will affect us? Will we be better off and so thankful that we didn't miss this trip even if sometimes it was harder or will we be wishing we had gone the other way and left well enough alone? Don't the really important things that we do with our lives or have in our lives usually come by bumpy, unknown roads? And if we don't travel those roads unprepared or alone, don't they usually bring us to a place that we wouldn't miss even if it was a little harder to get there and we would make the same choice if we had to do it over again? Isn't the journeys that we take what make us who we are?
So again, which way to go? Only time will tell.

Adoption

Some of you already know that Don and I are thinking of adopting a child. If this happens, it will be a child from the state probably between the ages of 6 & 12. We don't have a preference as to a boy or girl. There is a lot to think about. These children have been in foster care for at least a year to 18 months before becoming eligible for adoption because the state first tries to reunite the family. Most of them have been neglected or abused or both. But they are children and they deserve families. I have always wanted more kids, but it just didn't happen. I have looked at children available for adoption on the internet before, but never really seriously considered adopting. But this time, I just can't get it out of my mind. We are going to go through the classes where we learn about the children in the system and we'll just see where it goes. We will continue to discuss this with family. Everyone has been supportive, a few are very excited and some have concerns - valid concerns. We will take time to think it all through and pray about it.
I posted awhile back about hearing God. This is the thing I was praying about. I have taken this to God to see what He wants. My prayer has been for this to be about what He wants us to do, not what we want. I was talking to God about it and I said I don't know if I can do this. These children have been through so much. I don't know if I am the right person for this. He said I am not asking you to do this alone. You were a single mom to Derek for a long time but you were never alone. You were surrounded by a great support system and look at him - he is wonderful! It will be the same with this child, only this time you will seek Me more. Ok, well, I really kind of like my life the way it is. I love my days to myself. A child will take that away. God said, "Terri, you're being selfish! Look at all I have given you. Are you not willing to share that?" Ok, fine, but really I don't think we can afford a child right now. This move wasn't good to us financially. Things are getting better and it's temporary, but still we're digging out. And God said "Just trust Me."
I'm not saying He is saying that this is what He wants to happen. I do believe He wants us to look into it and if it is what He wants, He already knows the child that is meant to be ours. If it's not what He wants, He will close the door. I know that there are a lot of concerns and that this will be a bumpy road, at least at first. I also know that there is a chance for blessings that we can not even imagine - both for us and for a child. It could be that God just wanted us to be aware of all the children looking for homes and just wants us to pray for them or maybe to find some way to volunteer - maybe not to adopt. I don't know. I just know for every reason I come up with as to why we shouldn't, there are better reasons to go ahead.
Sometimes I think we can only help one child and really, in the long run, will that make a difference? Of course it will. Is it worth changing our whole lives? Going through the teenage years again? Taking the chance of heartbreak? Time will tell. But any child, no matter how they come into your lives, changes it. The teenage years maybe aren't the most fun in the world, but they aren't that bad, either. And when your child becomes a responsible, mature, awesome adult, there's no describing the pride you feel when you look at them, talk to them. Derek said he figured after him we wouldn't want to do all that again. I hope he was kidding. Part of the reason I want to consider this is because of him. He is an amazing man. Doesn't another child deserve that chance? I know it is not the same as your biological child and you have to parent these children a little differently, at least at first. But I am hoping that if we do this, the child we get will be young enough for us to instill our values in. I know it will take time for them to learn to trust us, to love us. But I believe with time, love and patience, that it will come and we can give a child what they otherwise may not get.
Pray for these children. Pray for us and that we make the right decision - for us, for a child, for our family. If we do this, it has to be a family decision. It won't just affect us. I am not worried about this. I know that it will work out like it is supposed to.

Faith

I received an e-mail the other day from one of my brothers. He has been reading my blogs and he said he didn't realize that my faith was such a big part of my life. I had to tell him the truth - it hasn't been. I accepted Jesus Christ as my saviour and was baptized when I was 14. I have never stopped believing in God, but I really didn't have a personal relationship with Him. I tried (most of the time) to be a good person and treat people right and I said my prayers every night before going to sleep. I went to church on Sunday for quite a while, but it was just something that I should do. Bedtime was the only time I really prayed unless there was something in particular I wanted or was worried about. I could see things He had done in my life, but I couldn't see ahead of me. I didn't seek His guidance when making decisions and I didn't talk to Him during the day. But God decided He was tired of hearing us say that we were going to find a church, but never doing anything about it. So He moved us 600 miles away from home, family & friends and put us where we didn't know anyone. In time, He led us to White Rock Baptist Church. What makes this church so special is that it is made up of people who love God and each other. They are just normal, everyday small town people. But when you walk in there on Sunday morning, you can feel the presence of God. Sometimes there is so much talking, laughing, and hugging of necks that it takes Robyn awhile to get everyone's attention so that we can start church! People are happy to be in God's house with their brothers and sisters. I have learned that a church filled with God's spirit is a wonderful, fun place to be. I am learning to take time to read in the bible every day. We go to bible study on Wed. night because we want to know what it says. It is not an easy book to read, but it is a great book filled with wonderful stories and answers to all your questions. I haven't found them all yet, of course, but I am learning. I am learning that God speaks to you all day long and it really isn't that hard to hear him. He speaks in your head, through the radio, through e-mails and so many other ways. If your heart and your ears are open, you will begin to hear Him. I was never one of those people who could say "God led me to do this" or "God spoke to me about this". I could see what He had done in my past, but not what He wanted now. I am beginning to see and hear. I am learning to give my worries to Him, because He is in charge and I don't need to worry about anything. It doesn't mean nothing bad will ever happen or things will be easy, but He will be there and if I ask for guidance, I will get it. God doesn't always send you down an easy path, but He will be there with you. He took us a long way from our family and friends. But He gave us a church family that we love and friends that we love here. He is making big changes in our lives, but they are good changes and exciting changes. It is so exciting what you see and hear when you are looking and listening for God. I am thankful that God is back in charge of my life where He should be, because to tell you the truth, it's just too much responsibility for me!
And speaking of church and faith, Don accepted Jesus this past Sunday and will be baptized later this month, probably on the 22nd. I am so happy for him and so proud of him. I have seen big changes in him and in his attitude since we have been going to church. I know wonderful, exciting things are coming for him and for us as a couple.

I'm so excited!

23 ladies from our church will leave Friday morning to go to Feminar in Longview, Texas. We had our monthly ladies bible study meeting last night and you could just feel the excitement in the air. The ones who have attended before are so excited to be going back and those of us who haven't been before can't wait to experience it for ourselves. It doesn't start until Friday evening, but we will get to Longview in time to have lunch and do a little shopping before going to the church where Feminar is being held. We are spending the night and then will go back Saturday morning. It ends around 12:30 and we will have lunch, maybe do a little more shopping and then head home. I am rooming with Ja, our next door neighbor. I am sure we are going to have a great time. I am hoping that she brings her pj's, though, cause last night she was threatening not to! She was just kidding, of course. I told her I am bringing an extra set just in case!
I know we will have a great time and I am sure I'll be excited to share details when we get back. Of course, we have said that what happens at Feminar stays at Feminar! I am sure there will be things to share, though!

Hearing God

Our Sunday School class has been studying Experiencing God as Couples. It is about hearing God and obeying God. You have to first be able to hear God to know what He is telling you to do. Then you obey. Brother Sonny, our pastor and Sunday School teacher tells us almost every week in church that the way to hear God is by being in his word (The Bible, of course) and praying. I have the praying down and am reading the bible. But I can't always hear what He is saying to me. Last week I was talking with God about something on my mind. I was telling Him all the reasons why something shouldn't happen and for every one I had, a reason to do it popped into my head. I finally got to the last reason - and the one I feel could be the deal breaker - and I heard Him. "Just trust me". I don't know if all the other answers that popped in my head were from God or if it was just me playing devil's advocate. I do trust God - I just don't trust me to understand for sure what He is telling me to do. I don't want to get to Heaven someday and He ask me why I didn't do what He told me to do, or why did I go ahead and do something that He told me not to do at that particular time! How do you know for sure? I guess I'm still learning that. This particular item I was discussing with him isn't something that needs to be decided and done right this instance. There's time to pray more and listen more. The answer will come. I know that He knows I am trying to hear and I want to do what He wants done, so I know it will all work out. I've been stressing some about it, but this morning I am at peace. It's not about us or what we want - it's about what God wants. And if I continue to seek his guidance and truly listen, He will send the answer and we will do what He wants. I can look back and see all that He has done in my life, even when I wasn't paying any attentiont to what He wanted, and everything still worked out as He planned. God doesn't make mistakes. He already knows what is to come. "Trust me!" I do.